Ownership, proprietary, custody, dominion are just a few of the synonyms for possessive. Why am I discussing this with you? Let's ask a few more questions.
Have you ever been manipulated in a relationship? Have you manipulated another? We manipulate out of control and fear. We want to obtain something we think we want.
Are you jealous? Do you believe that someone belongs to you? Have you been a possession for another? Meaning the person only interacts with you dependent on their own needs and wants, most often you are ignored until needed again.
My husband was seeing a therapist for grief for the loss of his father. Instead of Ken feeling better we noticed his panic attacks returned with a vengeance. He was actually getting worse and being hospitalized, gripped in fear. I was confused what was happening and asked to go with him to gain insight. We uncovered she was going in deep with inner child work, dredging up the past. She was lovely and we all agreed that perhaps this was not the time to do this type of work. Our daughter was young at that time, and I needed Ken.
Then she turned to be and said, "Did you know that Ken places you on the shelf? When he is ready to play with you, he plays. You are like a possession to him."
I never felt like an object in my marriage but to tell you the truth. I've always been busy with life. I knew when Ken was ready to play or interact that I would drop what I was doing to be there for him, knowing that was my time to connect with him. I would seize the moment because yes . . . I would go back on the shelf.
There is something seductive about being chosen, wanted and even as a possession of another. We feel worthy. We have been condition to believe our worthiness is outside of ourselves. Listen I'm a fairytale kind of girl. Cinderella finds her Prince Charming. The one and only concept is part of our soul collective belief. We look for another to make us feel loved and wanted. In higher truth we came here to express our love. We do not need love for we are love.
Worthiness comes from within. You are worthy no matter what. Giving away your power to another is ok. It is all ok. Being possessive is also exploration of lack of worthiness. Do you believe you are worthy of love?
Ready Scooby Doo Detectives? Of course I'm going to ask you to play!
Are you possessive over another? Why? Do you need to feel worthy from another? Are you outsourcing your love outside from yourself? If you find yourself saying the following . . . "if only they . . . would change, be different . . . that's a clue."
Again it is all ok. I am easing you into more love for yourself. To feel free no matter what. To feel safe and secure no matter what.
I love you tremendously! Awareness is the first step to greater understanding. You so got this!