Is being needy good or bad? What do you think? Yup . . . it is a trick question. It is neither good or bad.
Being needy felt wrong to me and yet it was perfectly acceptable for folks to need me. I didn't want to be a burden. I wanted to be independent, strong and self sufficient. No way did I want to need someone. When friends and family reached out and needed me, it felt right.
Now full disclosure I had to look at my need to be a rescuer. Was I seeing folks that needed me as victims? Was I attached to the outcome? Was I soothing and fixing someone's fear because it triggered fear within me? 100% I was problem solving and fixing because when someone else was upset I got upset. If they were happy then I was happy. This took me a few years to work on friends. Not seeing those in need as victims was a process. To allow others to be in fear took practice. Could I do it right away? Nope. I had to discern what was their energy versus my energy. If it triggered me . . . then there was a limiting belief.
I like imagine my energy as a field of vibration. When I am triggered, it is like a note of music being plucked within me. That chord is a belief that I am judging something as wrong. There is no wrong in the Universe but yet I feel that it is wrong.
That is when I pause and examine what I am feeling. What am I judging as wrong? What do I want to change? What will I not allow myself to express? That is my clue to my limiting belief.
And so when I had intense knee pain I understood it was a message for me. What do I need (knee)? I had been judging being needy as wrong. Why do I call it a limiting belief? Because of that belief I will act in a way that will limit myself. Can I soften this belief? Can I see that needing someone as ok? I had adopted this belief through experience. When I needed my mother she would at times lash out. Calling me selfish or weak. It felt unsafe to be needy.
This took more of a deep dive into this experience what I like to call inner child work. After working with my little Isabelle and sitting in the uncomfortableness I was able to release and let go this limiting belief. (When you do this type of work it leads to other beliefs for example it touched upon trust).
Fast forward . . . I can now feel that there is something beautiful around being needed and needing. Being needy allows me to be vulnerable. Being needed allows me to feel connected to another. I can allow myself to need someone as I can allow myself for another to need me. I can see it as part of the whole. Meaning both can exists as is and not judge it as right or wrong. I have soften this belief of mine and can now see the beauty of the frequency of being needed and needing. Can you?