Updated: Feb 28, 2022
If you asked me if I push away love that question would have thrown me off.
What do you mean? Do I not receive love? Do I reject it? Do I crave it? Do I want love? Am I not love?
We have all explored this my friends in one way or another. Some of us protect our hearts for fear of loss of love. We keep ourselves hidden and small. We create barriers. The pain of loss of love is great. Our inner child wants to be held and wanted. We want to feel special and needed. We want that connection with another. This is all ok. Being in love, loving another, sharing your journey with your family, friends, and partners is all amazing. The feeling is indescribable because it is felt in the heart.
Why am I writing this blog? A dear soul sister feels that she is not special from me. Her inner child crying out for me. I want to reassure her and tell her all is well and that I love her and yet I know that she has to see how special she is and is loved by me no matter what the outside circumstances may seem. This is hard for me to let her be. To not fix it. I do love her tremendously and feel sad at the same time. I feel her rejection of me not doing enough being enough and once again that feeling that I am not enough is plucked within me.
So I sit in this uncomfortable feeling. I have felt rejected, not wanted and wanted love from another intensely. Her inner child is my inner child. I am her and she is me. As I sit in this emotion I can allow her to be. To allow her to feel this fear. I can feel this fear of separation. And even if she rejects me, I love her.
The guidance I received around this, I pass on to you as I am processing it. It is ok to allow all the emotions run through me. To not judge any of it as wrong. The polarization of the frequency of love is beautiful as is. Sometimes not doing anything is the best way for healing to occur. I can stand in my love. I can flow my love no matter what the outcome may be.
I see out little selves crying alone wanting to be comforted, alone in a room. There is a door that has been closed but outside of that door, I stand, waiting for her to see that I'm not going anywhere. I see a version of me, smiling gently at our little girls, being patient in understanding the pain we feel. Knowing that the tears will dry up and the door will open once again. We are loved for we love ourselves. We no longer need to judge, push or create a barrier. We were always free no matter what. Just like a caged animal, the animal must choose to walk out of the cage, when they are ready.
I can be both, the caged animal and the free animal, not afraid of love. Can you?